Self-Care is important for Parenting
The work of mothers has increased. There are holidays and indefinitely. In this case, it is important to maintain your mental balance. The most important person for parenting right now is you.
Be a role model
Acknowledge your feelings that you are mentally disturbed by this whole situation, but do not let this anxiety overwhelm you. Do what you can and leave the rest to Allah. It is very important that you keep calm. The children see you. If you look upset, they will worry too and good parenting is not possible in this situation.
Watch and listen to the news on the media very few that will make you depressed. It is not a cricket score that you know from moment to moment how many dismissals have been made and what the run rate is.
Set a parenting routine
In the beginning, everyone thought that the holidays have come suddenly, so let’s enjoy it. The kids were happy too, you had fun some days too. By now everyone has understood that these are not Eid holidays. In such cases, the parenting routine is essential. Finish your work in the morning. One such sense of accomplishment Comes and the workload does not stay on the mind all the time.
Stop worrying about cleaning all the time. Tension to children and myself. For good Parenting Cleaning once a day is enough.
Parenting for Children
As we already talked about self-care above. The same principles are now to be passed on to children beyond your personality. Just like the crew tells you to put on an oxygen mask first in case of an emergency and then help the children.
Validate & acknowledge children’s feelings
Even though you are worried and the children are also worried, the focus of their worries is something else. You are horrified by the devastation of the pandemic and the child feels that his birthday will not be celebrated this year, or he will not be able to go to friends, houses or he will get tired of eating home-cooked food.
Now it immediately makes you want to say that people here have lost their lives and you are worried about your birthday? Or say thank you for getting food, people are losing their jobs, they are so upset and so on. Take a deep breath and acknowledge the feelings. Yes, son, that’s right. I feel like you want to go to someone’s house, meet someone, eat out, and so on. If you really had a place, my heart would do the same. Pick up the rest of the lecture for another time.
Share age-appropriate information with children
for Parenting you should avoid watching the news from time to time and don’t scare the kids. But that doesn’t mean keeping them in the dark. Of course, they will know a lot by now, otherwise, tell them according to their age. Explain that people are losing their jobs, there is economic hardship, those who earn a living are very worried, so let’s help them. Or if you are also facing financial problems, then talk to him according to the age of the child. This thing strengthens children emotionally. Information should be basic and factual, avoid unnecessary details, and not be intimidating.
Talk about things that are under human control. It makes children feel uplifted; Yourself too
It’s a difficult time, some things are out of our control, but many things we can control so don’t worry. We can keep our distance, we can take care of cleanliness, we can’t go to a party but we can go for a walk. We can try to have fun at home.
We can’t meet, but we can make a video call. Friends in the city can come to relatives’ houses with a card, a letter, paint a stone outside their house and hide it. Learn a new hobby or skill. Remember, whenever a person learns something new, he gets a sense of achievement. Don’t deprive children of it. Encourage them to learn something new. And then we can pray.
Make a routine
Even for myself and my children, there is a time to go to sleep and there is a time for everyone to get up. Everyone wakes up at different times, eats, and drinks differently … Home should be considered home, not a hotel. There is a rule, there is a routine. Then there is the matter of eating and drinking all the time, this work should be done in some order. A snack time between breakfast and lunch with fruit or smoothies. Similarly, in the evening.
But sometimes someone is eating something, sometimes someone eating else. That’s not the end of the matter. Similarly, if you have online classes, fine, if not, do the work yourself. Read a book, write a summary, work on math, research on a science topic, history … anything, it will help you for good Parenting. If you want to learn the screen, then learn something, not just playing games.
Parenting for Teenagers
In the following section, we will talk about teenagers parenting. Their life has also been severely affected. One is that their milestones remained incomplete. Some between matriculation exams, some between A level and O level, and Coaching Classes.
At this moment, teenagers feel that their entire career, their entire future is at risk. Then there is the fact that the interaction of these children at this age compared. They love their friends more than their family. They prefer to spend more time at college and university than at home. So, on the one hand, the children are not able to get along with friends, on the other hand, the tension of reading. Understand their anxiety as parents.
To say that let’s get rid of exams is not the answer. It would have been better to take the exam than to be in a state of uncertainty. Then friends are the oxygen for them. Don’t judge and sarcastic if the children are holding their breath in their friends. I continuously, ask you to respect and validate their feelings. Keep saying, “Yes, I can understand.”
Keep a Routine
Now that it is not possible to meet physically, children are using social media all the time. In such a situation, what I said, keep a parenting routine at home. Have some time to wake up, eat, and drink. Together in the routine, including a Hadith session, Salah arrangement, Morning and evening remembrance of Allah. If all else fails, then something must happen. Also keep in mind that they are in touch with their teachers and friends through social media.
Encourage children to learn something new. Coding, video editing, website creation, and some other skills.
Involve children in household activities so that they get some of the time they have with the family, even forcibly. But not by sarcasm have a discussion, and Gossip anyway. When you realize their feelings, they will still feel comfortable talking to you.
Take some time out, or badminton, cricket, etc. that can be played on the roof. Walk, Play board games, cards, etc. Spend some evenings with family.
Take a look at the use of social media as there is more misinformation than information. The children do not know what to do. Keep talking so they know what’s going on in their minds.
Lock at a glance: Mother’s self-care, Children and Teenagers
As mother, children and teenagers are the basic pillars of parenting, so now you may have noticed that when it comes to mother’s self-care, children or teenagers, every time it is said that:
- Validate Feelings If at any time you feel nervous, take a few deep breaths and pray from Allah
- It is not necessary to look at every news. Miss information comes with information, be careful
- Create a routine.
Now, this is the last thing which needs to makes a routine, everyone looking fail at this point. Mothers are always angry that the house is not as clean as they like. Wrapping up the things again and again. She is cursing the children for keeping things here and there. It’s annoying. Lack of routine!
If you have, they even don’t want to take the name of learning but just play all the time. No routine.
The problems of teenagers are totally different. No time to sleep, no time to wake up. Contact with family members is rare even when they are at home. Only 24 hours they used the screen. Lack of routine!
Why is routine important for parenting?
Because when the work is finished on time, the man is happy to do something. This “joy of getting something” is important for mothers as well as children.
How to create a routine?
Discuss and involve the children in the fact that the mother’s work does not end when all the children get up as they like and eat and drink as they want. Also tell them, if the house belongs to everyone, then the work belongs to everyone and everyone’s participation is necessary. And the same sense of achievement that I mentioned, that the children themselves will like.
What is the Parenting routine?
1. Structured routine, 2. Non-structured routine
1. Structured routine
A structured routine is that everyone gets up by that time, breakfast by that time, etc. Set aside some time for homework as easy as morning or evening for yourselves. Let the child do some writing, and practice math, etc. In addition, a little memorization and understanding of the Qur’an and Hadith, etc. and arranging prayers not much but some time for all these things two and three hours a day is enough. Demonstrate some flexibility in this routine instead of trying to make it difficult for yourself and your children.
2. Non-structured routine
- There are four parts to a non-structured routine:
- Physical activity, exercise walk, etc.
- Spend some time with the family doing whatever it takes. Read the Qur’an prayers together, Play games, yoga, cooking, talking, or watch a drama, movie, documentary, etc.
The rest of the time everyone can use as one wants, can play, walk, research on a topic, etc. Read books, learn new hobbies, skills, save what you observe in pictures, texts, videos, etc. so that children can tell and show it to their children in the upcoming years.
It’s best to keep family time at the end of the day. When talking, when the children say they are bored, say yes to them and point out something positive in the conversation. That running life has taken a break, we can learn something new, families can spend time with each other. And even if you can’t go to anyone, you can walk from a distance, shake hands, smile, video chat with family and friends. That’s all! Take care May Allah be the supporter of all. Amen!